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march 30th, 3:20 pm: We were just out on the pourch having a extremely
gay old time, then for a reson that is bewildering me, you sat between my legs..?? witch i told you is code for... yeah..
or,.. ahhrg. Then i said lets go get sum ramen and then your daddy came and yelled at you..:<. So here i am eating ramen
without you trying to figure out what the you ment by the sit thing..??. Maybe nothing.. Maybe sumthing. I guess I'll ttya
it l8ter. Well since your gone maybe I'll call sumone and go sk8. I'm goi ng to go to the park, hopfull scotts there, I really
am gonna go talk to him. Just understand what you are doing. by Babay
march31 9:03 am:.. O.k I just heard you guys out there screaming like you always do so i rushed
and threw on sum cloz because i really needed to talk to you, but then you got in the car, hence here i am wanting to puke
because I have to tell sum1 or... i don't know do sumthing about it.Dani.. I did sumthing really bad last night. I can't sleep..
I can't stop thinking about it, and as jason would say " That makes me want to kill myself", I'm not going to write what it
is on here because of it "getting out" just incase sum 1 comes arcoss this but.. its bad. I think I knew it was coming and
I don't know hwat to do about it. I wrote you a note about 4 hrs ago talking about this, and i wrote a note to the person
that it happend with. ( your probly confuzed right now)... (so am I ).When you get back u have to do me a favor, you have
to kiss me ok, not a jobert and n.l. kiss, just a kiss ok. and you have to have sex with me, because... THIS IS YOUR FULT!.
And I have to know, I have to reclame my manlyness. ...:<
Man I can't belive you left, I was thinkin about like gettin on your roof just to get you, so i could talk to you and
now I'm gonna be really fucked up for a couple days. I walked back to the park at like 3 am and sat there and wrote sum shit
for the person and you and ahhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh. Fuck. I need sum weed or sex, or you, or anything sumthing
to get my mind off this, its driving me crazy. And i don't know if i want to tell you eaither.. is BAD.. I'm mean...
Its BAD. And the thing is what i did, sum 1 knows about it and of all people that i don't want to know about it, he knows,
He saw, and I hope he doesn't tell. (jason) He watched me do it... thats killing me to.and the guys wrote sumthing on my hand
and i can't wash it off and it keeps staring at me. Help Me dani ... ok I'm serious, we have to go out again for like 2 hrs
just to make sure my little problem goes away, or to make sure that it was just.. nothing
march 31 11:15pm: O.k I just got back from being with waren for a few hrs, I feel better now,
I'm not wanting to kill myself, I'm not going to get into details but.. ya. I'll talk to ya about it. I talked about you for
like an hour ....:|. But ya. I hope you get home soon. I emitt it, i havn't seen you for like 14 hrs and i miss you
already. Since i fell better about the waren thing .. and i didn't "do it " again. Now of course here i am thinkin about what
your up to. I havn't gone to sleep yet, and i sk8ed all day today, and got a really bad wrek.. owchy'z. I was with greg and
chris and cock friends all day, and mns. katlyn krigga going around showin everyone her tits.. ....dahh. Anywho, I'm going
to bed, I don't know why i writing this stuff, i guess im always on the computer, and i am usually wishing i was with you..
ya i supozz thats it. lol. Good night.
10 minutz l8ter, 11:31pm: waren just called me from a GAS STATION on his way home, he said he
needed to talk to me because i was in his head, and he asked me if i would hang out with him tomra. .... I said..o.k.
Dani what am i doing?. I'm gonna tell him that I can't do this.. that anything, with him. I'm not gay and,, It isn't going
to happen, O ya.. aath.. ask me if he could kiss me. I said no. And i acted like a dork and shook his hand, but i think he
injoyed that more that what he wanted.. :< god, i hope no one reads this...
( he called me right when he got home to)
4/1 8:18pm: hey babay, I'm better now. I talked to him, last night. Its.. better. He called me
3 times today. Ahh anough with him, im done stressin about it, where are you. Ya see i love typing, i can just say whatever
im thinking because i can type about the same as i think, and whatever im typing im thinking or saying along with it. Um maybe
i should just stop tho, because its kinda weord me typing about 1 all tghe time, well it is only like 1nce a day but still.
I don't give a shit, its like the classic" hard to get thing" and what we talked about it, i don't give a shit.um. I'm feeling
a speach coming on... nahh. I'll wait till im dying to get it out, ts just our usual dump , but i did 1 the other day, and
i think I'm going to just go for 1nce a week ya know, shit theres marshall.(5 min l8ter, I'm sittin here with olivia, she
says hi,) o, this is just for you
Mood: better/ good
anyways, olivia luvs the song she'll say the first part of it.
I love her
Well Yet again I'm still trying to figure out the porch thing from the other night, I couldn't even like " do it " because
i was so perplexed. Maybe it was nothing. olivia:" um, um, I don't know, but let send a meesage to her, I want to see a song
of her, thats what I want, thats what I want to do".. thats what she just said..don't ask. Danielle, your never going to belive
this, your going to think I'm just writin it so there is sumthing cool to wrtie but i sware im not. oliva pissed on me. (
your probly laughin right now, or not beliving it, well she didn't piss ON ME, but she pissed then sat on me and there is
a big wet spot on my jeans. silence,
I just said I loved her, then she fuking gets piss on me. Whatever, O hey, I got you a prezant, its so freaking cool you'll
lovz it.can't find another tho. I wanted to get sum more.
4/1 10:22pm: still sitting here, smells like cat shit....really...
watching the minerva video.. so hot. well its not hot, there is just something about it. The "thing" like people have
a "thing" together ( u n him)..ha have to throw the smart ass coment in there) just the thing. Like omg, i think i forgot
his name, awsome. evern luren even. whatever, great. has one for me.
yay, I'm alone they went to go get betsy, so, were all alone now what..? I love luanch, now there playing hexagram. I
need to type in a normal format so you can unerstand it, but after all you have learned my weird assed speah/writing and or
what not over the last 8 months. Dani, why arn't we together.I'm goint to act as if i didn't tye that, well i could just delete
it but, fuk it. I'm telling you i love this because i just type what i think. I think i need a shower
I think:
I'm hungrey
I'm aboiut to say you need to listin to a band called dying fetus
I'm waiting for you
I'm tyad
I'm about to brake my deck so I'm going to need a new one, so I'll be kendra's bitch for a few days
I'm about to say "in love with you" but i won't bother
I need to stop this, you see, I can't not write what i think because it just keeps going back and 'aoihg'oigh..wigg
...People are not spozed to let there
brain open for people to see. And yet here i am doing it. This is one of thoze me acting really weird moments.
..sumtimes i hate that part of me, I only
do it when it has sumthing to do with you, I don't know why, its so fucking stupid.
I want to make like a retarded diagram thing for us, this is going to be great...
ok, how do i do this,
well lets start with, well feelings ( this is so chezzey hahaha)
ME: well, u already know...
You:, i don't know what to say, because I'm not you but let me see how close i can get,
you,
* "like" me
(I hate that word )hahaha
* feel bad about what you did...now
* miss it
*want it back but, don't want to give sumthing up for it, so
you don't want it back that bad (but the porch thing..)
I doin't know, I could say more but there is no rezon i mean.
you know, and i am just here to think about how u feel.
I'm talkin to holly, she wants to put it in jasons pooper. lol
do you think i am " attached " to you lol, i think holly just referd that i am.
(* hey u need to make coments as you read this ok, because you can only read it here in my house) and i'll probly
be right next to you.
o.k. i need to stop this, it would be much easy if u were here lol
(11:07) ^
bi
4/2 1:44am:
Ok, .. you have no idera how bad I’m feelin because at like 11 pm I wrote you a 3 paragraph that was.absolutly
the most meaningful thing I’ve probly ever said to you, then after I was all done and amazed of what I had wrote, it
got deleted because tripod fuked up, but because I am not really doing anything , I decided to try to write it again.
o.k. it went like this
o.k. here I am like 5 min l8ter, I needed to say sumthng else because I took the time and thought for 3 min about you
and .
o.k. I said sum other shit that I was thinking at the time but I was just
being a dork so , I’ll just skip it, came out kinda like this tho
I’m going
to make a really chezzy diagram thing to explain it better
Feelings
Me: well, you already know how I feel
You: I’m not you, I don’t know how you feel, I kinda do but, well here I’ll give it my best shot
…. you, like me
you, miss it
you miss me
your happy with him
but your happy with me
you want to be with me, but you don’t want to give up anything for that ( but there is the porch issue)
is that about right, well let me try this differently
to be together or not be together that is de question.
To:
Plus, I’ll be happy, I’ll… I’ll be how I should
be.
You……I’m
not sure, that’s in your head
6:15am:
Not to:
Me: I don’t know if I could trust you again, but the way
I figured it is that if we actually did ever get back together it wouldn’t be like when we first met and we just had
our clasiic little thing and we had the classic issues of *******
and stupid shit, witch we really didn’t but, the thing is I would have to deal with you being with him everyday, in
school, after school, talking on phone, talking on computer..etc.. but its like it wouldn’t matter because, you
would be with me, I am the one your with, I am the one who has the "thing" lol for, I am the one who
would do anything for you including getting slushy mt dews and Burger King, wink,. I am the one..so, why should I care about
him. And if we ever did get back together I would be your “one”( includes the grr, all yours
anytime haha) ya know, and if I truly am, you couldn’t be but faithful… (I hate that word ), but really.
You have to know what I’m talking about because this really is making sence to me at least and im not talking like I
normally do ( the weird assed jo thing). So that is what I guess I’m waiting
for, or that is what needs to happen or however you want to put it. If sumday
you ever think I am that person, then here I am. waiting. … unfortunately
I do have to wait and see. But in the mean time, I suppoz we will continue what
ever it is we are now,. Us sittin out on the porch, trying to have restrictions,
( you have to know how much I want you
to be happy now because I am just waiting for you to make your own mind about us and not breaking the restrictions, I mean
think about it, if I really wanted to, do you think you could stop Yourself from temtation, If I did it, If I did somthing,
I don't think sooooo.............hahaha... but, I will continue because I refuze to be a fucking duche bag like scott is/was and fuck things up for people...)
and have you noticed that you have bein breaking restrictions more l8tly, not in a wierd sexual manor but.. you
know what I'm talking about the " what just happend "
thing. That was.. missed that I think I've bein in a good mood since that moment evevn with my little issue, witch is
gone now I think, I wish you were here to here about it. But back to the porch thing, you realize how much history has
bein made on that porch ( wink ) i lov's it, ( so do u ) well since I just read over that little thing here I'll put it all
simplAy
when
me = your 1
that =
us, kk
until that day, witch I hope you'll let me know, we can just ....pla. O.k. here I'm going to bring up the porch thing
again. remember how we had that little code for.." um.. green light " lol you..did it. or.. i think.. or i don't know.
That really um has bein fucking with my head, what.. what was that..??? You should probly anser me since I'm standing
right next to you probly or your sitting on me.
\\/ ? \/
? \/ ?.. I'm going to go to bed now, its 9
I never even got to bed till like
9:30 because I had to watch Olivia ALL day.
4/3 1:38am, O.k. I just woke up, My ear rings fel out so I had to get up and find them, I’ll
try to go get sum mop sleep here in a sec, Hey wonder if your home yet,….opsidhgsodihgfsdihgosadhgsadhg
…..YOU HERE! Looot
If you go to church in the
morning I’m gonna be pissed mant lol. Well the pope died so you might have sumthing do do with that whole issue I dono..??.Man
Kendra made sum chilly, its beatchin. This is so weird,
I miss you more than the 3 days you go sick and your poo moma wouldn’t let me see you
,..grrrrrrrrrr ( I still
luv your moma). I don’t know why..? Well If I go to sleep I’ll be able to talk to you soon, if your not out with
your cock mobbing cunt bag. nightz.
4/3 10:00 am..:
man, kendra woke me up at fucking 7am to watch olivia, then i screamed at her, now she took olivia and here i am. awake since
7. Your next door.. should i come over.. or did you go with your dad.. if he's here,. I think i heard te van go down the street
because you can always here the licence plate jiggle. It is beutafullal. ..park.. yes. Since your not evevn aloud in here
nay mor, (i think ) maybe i should just print this off and you can read this thing @ the park... maybe. I'll come get ya at
11:30ish, you'll probley be gone or not aloud to go anywhere but it's all cool. I'm gonna get ahold of greg and go play today. O.k. I'm going to go eat now GIBY GIBY GIBY.
4/3 10:48pm,
( the night of the fourtion cookie thing, witch never happend, fuck. well part of it did) well you just got done gettin
yelled at by your dad. god dam. Why do they do that, do they really not want you with me that bad..arg. Anyways, I thought
you'd be more..sumtin over all that shit i wrote you, i don't think you cared to much, witch is fine but..shit. I guess after
hearing what you said.
you don't want anything to happen
right now, not for a long time, witch we don't have ..kinda. And I think you really just see me as another guy who you like.
And yet again that is fine, Its your feelings, I don't think you really care about havning someone. I mean you have alot of
other stuff in your life to think about, you have friends family.. and a bf. So, why should I come in there. And this is what
I have to realize and just deal with ( and that is fine)..really) .
It just...
I don't know, you just have other
people and other stuff.
and you also said sumthing about,
"why go out, we will just break up anyways"
well.. I just, think about it. I
know that everyone always ends up breaking up, but if you think about it, it would be you doing the breaking up, uless you
really do sumthing bad. I have no reson to want to or anything else , ( I mean in the futer). ya know. If anything, we would
break up this summer because of you cheating on me. Witch you would.
mmm .. dot dot ( this is were I'm feeling like real shit)
Then there is the question of why
am I writing this shit and talking about it
well yet again I will state,
because sumhow, for sum reason,
that I do not know
I am in love with you, truly.
and I think sumtimes its just sumthing
that you think is cool but, you really could care less. (I'm going to say "and thats fine"...again)
And sumtimes I wish you were just
sum normal girl that would be in love with me and think were going to be together forever and bla bla bla, but your not. you
really do look at things negativly or in to much reality. you have no...sumtin.
you know something, do you know
what you said to me today. I said sumthing about you sittin between my legs and that whole stupid thing and that was
the dorky sign for us being back together. you said that is what you ment. so now what... What the fuck did that mean, your
done with him now you want to come play with me. and you also said sumthing about just being board with him. (so
you want a new toy)
O.k. I'm going to think about it
more tommora bu I think I'm just going to say fuck the "restrictions" tommra when i see you for our nightly gathering. because
I don't think your going to fall in love with me, I don't think you care, so why not just have fun.
( that was ment in a bitchy way kinda)
because i wish you were, I feel
so stupid sum times, you make me feel bad about it too.
(being in love with you)
sitting, thinking....
still thinking.......
I don't know. I think
I'm back in the circle, even tho i thout i figured it out. I don't think that thing will ever end until we are together.
well, fine
you know I could have you if i truly wanted to.. u know it.
Well maybe I'll just make it happen
tommara...
yeah, I'm going to, fuck it. grrrrr
fuck him
fuck you
fuck this stupid going in cirles
fuck trying to do the right thing
fuck being the "good" guy
fuck waiting for you anymore because
you don't care how long I wait
fuck you
2:42am:
( its like 3 am, I am up typing to you agasin, i miss you and this is what i think i have to do)
I feel better now, but after thinking
about it, I'm still going to do it, i think even tho i was really wacked out and mad and shit when i wrote that stuff /\
I really think i made sum sence
fuck him
fuck waiting
fuck doing the right thing
I think I'll
just go for the pastionit lover thing, never tryed it, but i think thats what worked for him, he took you away from me, well
i think you did, but, it worked for him and he is gross.
I'm going to bed, I'll see you in
the after noon, I want my fucking babay back, I don't care anymore, Its stupid to go around in circles going threw dumb shit
like this when i can just have you and us be happy, I know you want the same thing, for sum reasonm you won't let your
self love me, thats cool, but
I'm going to be manly man jerk asshole
thing( hahaha) and take you away and ruin everything for him, and you.This way you won't have to feel like shit,
just blame it on me, tell all your friends that I did it. I don't care. If I'm in love with you, I'm going to be with you,
no more of this shit!!!!
... o.. but. your just going to
keep doing the same shit with him arn't you..ya, probley. we'll talk about that. I'll see what happends in the next few days.
and your probly going to feel
like crap over the next few days trying to figure out what to do, I'm sorry but.. o'well. maybe it will be for me or against
me, u do whatever you feel you should do o.k.
If we do get back together here
in the next week this is what i think will hapen:
we will probly be talking
alot about it, your going to feel like poo and be confuzed. And I'll feel like poo for giving up on doing the right thing.
and maybe we'll be fine. Its gonna be weird with your mom and shit tho.... : (
or
I will get upset and realize that
your still going to be fucking around with him, and tell you to fuck off, and I'll just ell you i don't want to be with you
until you think your in love with me
( witch is what i said for now)
but I don't know if thats ever going
to happen thats why I'm doing this, I had hope, for sum reeason I thout we have this.."thing" but i don't think you feel that
way, i sure as fuck do, I love being with you, your the one who makes the pain go away, your the fucking one ahhhrgrgrrg
plaplapla grrgrgrrr (lol)
and for sum reason, i have alot of poeple who wish they were you but you
dont' want to be mine
why do you act like that?
what all did i just say..o'ya ,
( i 4got what the hell i was talking about)
o.k. the simplify thing
for easy reference
your not in love with me
I didn't want to be with you until
that happends
but
I can't take it anymore
so
I'm going to try this again and
see what happends
maybe I'm making a mistake
Witch i think i know i am
but i also thing thats what i need
to do right now
I'm just trying to do what i feel
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